


Tremors

by SAOShea



Series: Aftermath [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 01:50:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2714498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SAOShea/pseuds/SAOShea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny Lawrence during Episode 36.<br/>'Chaos' twin piece.<br/>(See if you can spot the Imagine Me and You quote!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tremors

She always ended up here.

 

For the past week, Danny would walk to escape her thoughts. She’d tried running but her body wasn’t up to it. She needed to give herself time to heal from the battle; cuts - both deep and shallow - littered her skin, which was also mottled with the sickly greens and festering purples of bruises; but the limits of her body angered her. Although recently, she’d been very quick to anger, no matter the cause.

 

She always ended up by the pit. When she wasn’t grading papers or in class (how mundane those distractions were, how little they did to keep her thoughts at bay) or trying to help Laura (when she was wanted, it was too hard to see Laura broken like this and to know that she couldn’t fix it or stop it), she would walk for hours on end and inevitably end up here. She thought it ironic that she tried to escape her failings, only to end up where the worst of them began.

 

She’d failed Laura. She’d failed to protect her. Laura was alive, but she wasn’t living. Despite Laura’s protestations that she didn’t need to be protected, Danny still felt responsible. The pain Laura was in, no-one should have to suffer that.

 

She knew she couldn’t fix it; unless she could turn back time and be stronger and faster, she knew that she could help Laura, but she’d never be able to mend her.

 

‘Why’d you have to die, vampire?” she mutters through gritted teeth. Her nostrils flare as she kicks a piece of rubble into the pit. As soon as Danny hears it clatter to the bottom of the trench, a loud crack follows. It’s so sudden it makes her jump, which angers her more. Chortles of laughter reach her ears as another bang sounds. She peers around the pile of rubble to see Kirsch and some of his friends lighting small objects and throwing them into the pit.

 

“What are you doing? Honestly, you are like a bunch of children!” she calls out to them as she strides over (she realises she sounds like Perry, but is too annoyed to worry).

 

“Sticking it to the brain leeches, bro. You wanna go?” Kirsch shouts, far too merrily for someone who almost died a week ago, Danny thinks.

 

She shakes her head at them and watches as another cherry bomb flies into the pit. Most of the Zetas take a step back from the edge of the pit as it goes off but Danny leans over the edge to watch the flash of the explosion.

 

And that’s when she sees it… _her._

 

“Stop!” she shouts at them, before they light another bomb. “Someone, get me a light, I think I saw… something…” Danny doesn’t say what, for fear of it being a hallucination. A flare is handed to her, probably from the equipment left out from the clearing of the battlefield.

 

She lights it and lets it drop into the chasm. And sure enough, in the muted red glow, she sees a body.

 

“Is that-?” Kirsch begins.

 

“Carmilla,” Danny almost sighs the name. She begins to feel heavy, she can’t name the emotions, but they seem to weigh her down. As they stare at Carmilla’s body, Danny notices how peaceful she looks, almost as if she were asleep. Danny notices her body is not battle-worn, almost as if the vampire had collapsed from exhaustion, not from death. A small flicker of hope blooms in Danny’s chest and an idea springs into her mind. Even if she can’t stop Laura from hurting, she can try her hardest to bring Laura the one person that can stop the pain.

 

She grabs her phone from her pocket and begins to dial Perry. Currently, it was Perry she trusted most to deal with Laura, perhaps even more than she trusted herself.

 

“Kirsch, do me a favour and tell Perry what’s happening? I’m going to get Carmilla,” Danny hands the phone to Kirsch who nods slowly and brings it to his ear.

 

Danny runs to the makeshift storage shed used to house the cleanup equipment and grabs some climbing apparatus and gloves. Despite the angry shoots of pain that burn along her ribs, she continues to move fast. Kirsch’s friends help her set up the equipment as she returns. Before she can acknowledge the pull of barely healed flesh screaming from her back, she begins her descent into the yawning abyss of the trench.

 

The darkness quickly envelopes her, and only a small head torch provides her with enough light to see how far down she is going. She looks up to see Kirsch and his friends monitoring the equipment, but they begin to look more and more distant as she travels deeper.

 

Soon enough, she reaches the bottom of the cavern and she can barely see the Zetas at the top. The sky paints a pale blue ribbon of light through the darkness and if it weren’t for the reason this cavern existed, and the reason she was here, Danny might have found it beautiful, and even peaceful.

 

Before the adrenaline wears off and the pain of her opening wounds sets in, Danny kneels to strap Carmilla into the harness she’d brought for the vampire and hoists Carmilla in a fireman’s lift over her left shoulder (she figures that they might actually make it back up if she climbs using the arm that was less damaged in the battle). The Blade of Hastur rests nearby, it’s brilliant shine blackened by the evil of that night. She figures while she’s there she may as well retrieve it and so straps it to Carmilla’s harness.

 

She notices the extra weight as she begins to climb back up and is thankful for her rigorous (and occasionally torturous) Summer Society training.

 

It isn’t until about half way up when Danny begins to really feel her limbs fatiguing. She groans with the effort of pulling her free arm up further than is comfortable. Her decreased maneuverability in her left arm is beginning to takes it’s toll on the rest of her limbs. She frowns. Sweat drips from her forehead and slowly runs down the bridge of her nose. Her limbs shake. She’s sure she can feel the stickiness of blood on her top. But all of her hurts, so she can’t be sure if the wounds have opened. She hoists her leg up to the next ledge and ensures her footing is firm, before taking the weight off her arm and bringing it back to shoulder height. Her forehead falls against the cool rock face. The rock is far smoother than she is used too, she can feel it’s unnatural origin underneath her fingertips.

 

She grits her teeth again, harder than before - her jaw aches with the effort, but it distracts her from her shuddering arms. She doesn’t want to admit she’s not strong enough. Not again. Her strength has failed her before and it’s caused Laura too much pain and not just her physical prowess but her emotional strength too. Danny growls, an attempt to override a half-sob that tries to pry itself free from her throat. Her chest is tight, and she’s not sure whether it’s from exertion or emotion. She hates her fatigue. She hates her failures. But it’s all she can see and all she can feel.

 

_Then Danny imagine’s Laura, crouched over the lip of the pit, staring at Carmilla’s distant body in the faint, semi-ominous glow of a red flare. She can see Laura’s face contorting into a look of barely contained pain and she can hear the quiet crying that would shake the smaller girl’s frame._

_And then she imagines a different scenario. Laura seeing Danny bringing Carmilla to her. Her face lighting up briefly as they catch each others gazes. Soft, brown eyes settling on the body cradled in Danny’s sure grasp. A wrench at Danny’s heart as Laura caresses the vampire’s cheek. And a stutter in her heart as Laura thanks her, as Carmilla’s eyes open._

 

Slowly... painfully... her right arm begins to reach for the hold she’d had before. Her fingers clutch at the nook and she hoists herself up. She feels the tugging reverberate through her body but she doesn’t stop pulling upwards until she brings one foot up and eventually the other and both have purchase again. She is almost shouting in agony as her knotted skin and shredded muscles slide over aching bones, but she repeats the action.

 

_One small step at a time, Danny. Keep going. Just keep going._

She thinks this to herself. Which inevitably reminds her of Finding Nemo and watching it with Laura reciting the line ‘just keep swimming’ along with the movie. She smiles, in spite of her situation.

 

Determination sets her features like stone and she continues her climb, slowly but surely.

She can’t bear the thought of failing again, of causing Laura more pain. Whatever the outcome, she wants Laura to be proud of their friendship and she wants to be able to redeem herself, both with Laura and with herself.

The climb is arduous, long. Time pulls steadily alongside her straining muscles and eventually, ever so slowly she climbs her way back to the top of the trench.

 

And suddenly there’s light and hands and so many people tugging at the rope, at her, at Carmilla.

A calm voice breaks through the crowd. Perry.

 

“Danny, do you need us to help you?”

 

It’s like Perry can read Danny’s mind, because Danny can’t shout at them for trying to help, but that’s all she wants to do. This is her task. Her redemption. And she can’t take their help, for fear of never getting the duty (her duty) back. But she’s also too exhausted to form a coherent reply, so she grunts and shakes her head in reply and they all fall back as she finishes pulling herself up and lowers Carmilla to the ground, placing her gently on the charred grass.

 

She drops to her knee beside the vampire and throws her gloves off. She begins to unbuckle the harnesses, but her fingers shake and her palms are too slick now, slick with both blood and sweat. And Lola is crouching next to her, Danny prepares a hard glare to ward off interference, but it falls away as she is handed a towel. She takes it gratefully and flashes a half-smile at Perry. She wipes off her arms and hands and brow, only then realising how Perry must’ve dispersed the crowd.

 

“Thank you,” she croaks, her voice sounding like the soft rustle of the burnt vegetation underfoot. Lola produces a water bottle and hands it to Danny. The tall girl takes the bottle and gulps greedily, feeling somewhat refreshed afterwards. She hands the bottle back to Perry and finishes unclipping the harnesses, her hands surer now. The Blade of Hastur falls from it’s position, tight against Carmilla’s side, and onto the grass with a dull thunk. Perry notices it and quirks an eyebrow.

 

“It was there,” Danny begins, her voice clearer, but mildly sheepish. “I figured I’d bring it up seeing as I was making the trip.”

 

Lola laughs. Clipped and not entirely genuine, but friendly enough. “We’ll get someone to take it with the climbing paraphernalia to the supplies shed, shall we?”  
  


Danny nods, standing and stretching carefully. Her top clings to her back uncomfortably and she knows the pain will flare up soon, but now she only has one thing to do. Bring Carmilla to Laura.

 

Lola manages to rustle up the remainder of Kirsch’s friends (and Kirsch himself) to tidy up for them. Danny crouches to pick up Carmilla, folding the girl to her chest. Her stronger arm crooks behind the vampire's shoulders and and weaker arm underneath Carmilla’s knees. Concern dances across Perry’s features but she says nothing, until they begin walking toward the dorms and away from the others (for that Danny is, again, grateful to the floor don).

 

“Are you sure you’re alright? I don’t want you hurting yourself anymore. You realise none of this is your fault, there’s no need to be reckless anymore.”

Perry manages to balance the chastisement of her words with a soft, almost cooing tone.

 

“It’s difficult to explain. But I have to do this. For Laura,” Danny’s voice is stoic, along with her stance. Perry nods sagely.

 

“It’s okay, Danny. I know. But don’t forget she cares about you too. She’d be devastated if she’d lost you both,” Perry’s voice was understanding and not at all pitying. The words make Danny’s heart clench despite herself. She takes a deep breath as they approach the dorm building.

 

“Thank you,” she says, sincerely and offers a smile, not nearly as forced as her last one.

 

“It’s no problem, sweetie. I’m going to go on ahead and prop the doors open for you. I’ll prepare Laura,” Lola says, patting Danny’s arm affectionately. They part as Perry rushes on ahead. Danny’s arms are beginning to ache much more and her back is screaming in pain again. But she carries on, certain that Carmilla isn’t dead. She couldn’t bear to think of Laura’s reaction otherwise.

 

Her feet shuffle down the hallway and she hears Perry talking and then she’s over the threshold of Laura’s room and moving behind Perry to place Carmilla on the bed.

 

“Okay, sorry, easy-bake. She’s heavier than she looks.”

 

And Carmilla’s out of her arms and on Laura’s bed and Laura gasps. Danny moves back, out of the way, as Laura launches herself at the bed: “Carm!”

 

“Okay, so we think she’s... I mean, she seems dead but she’s a vampire, right?” Danny begins to explain her decision to rescue the vampire. But Laura is frantic.

 

“Blood! She needs blood!” the small girl launches around the room and then is feeding the vampire, frantically chanting please don’t be dead. Anxiety sits leaden in Danny’s stomach, what if she was wrong, what if she brought the vampire’s body to Laura and nothing happened and she would have to watch as Laura broke - as she broke Laura - all over again. She and Perry share a worried glance.

 

But Carmilla sits up, and relief floods Danny. She almost begins a laugh, a disbelieving smile pulling at her lips.

 

_Carmilla’s alive!_

 

And Laura pounces at Carmilla, her arms enveloping the brunette tightly. Danny’s laugh hitches messily, not quite leaving the barricade of suddenly gritted teeth.

 

_Carmilla’s alive._

 

Her jaw loosens again and her whole body drops, an even heavier weight pressing down on her. She has to glance away she looks to the floor, her feet shuffling despite the fatigue coursing through her whole body. She can’t quite bear to watch because her heart is sinking to her feet. But she’s conflicted, she want to see Laura’s smile. The one she gives Carmilla. The one that tells Danny she did the right thing.

_The right thing. The only thing I could do. The only thing I would do… And still, it hurts._

 

Her eyes shoot to Perry, and sure enough she’s being stared at - a cool but sympathetic gaze boring into her. Then she’s being ushered out of the room, by Perry, Carmilla and Laura oblivious. She should go, she knows she should. But it takes some gentle coaxing from Perry before she can bring herself to tear her eyes away from them.

 

Then Danny can’t move fast enough, she strides away and she hears Lola’s smaller steps behind her, moving fast, trying to keep up.

 

“Danny,” Lola calls. “Danny, wait!”

 

Danny stops abruptly and tears burn at her eyes.

 

“It was the only thing I could do. It was the best thing for her. And it hurts so much, Perry. So much,” her voice is as thick as her vision blurred, like she’s underwater. Lola is there to catch her in a hug and Danny slumps into her open arms, the tears threatening to spill over her eyelids. As Lola’s arms wrap around her back, she hisses in pain, only now the remembering the open wounds on her back. She pulls back from the hug, but Lola keeps a grip on her and leads Danny to her room.

 

“Sit,” Perry gestures to the stool. Danny complies, too sore and hurt to argue. Perry washes her hands and returns with a first aid kit. She begins by rolling up the back of Danny’s top, unsticking it from the blood. She tuts at the sight of the slowly weeping wounds.

 

“Lola, you don’t have to-”

 

“Nonsense, you need someone to look after you. And besides, we both need a distraction,” Lola interrupts. Danny nods meekly and helps by removing her top entirely, wincing as she moves.

 

“That bad with LaF, huh?” Danny inquires, though her heart isn’t really in the question. Lola notices (of course she does).

 

“Oh honey, we have plenty of time to talk about me. It’s fresh for you. Let me clean your cuts and we can have a hot drink and you can talk to me.”

 

Again Danny nods and the smell of TCP fills her nostrils and then there was a horrible stinging on her back, sharp and vicious, but nothing compared to the pain in her heart.

She inhales sharply, then lets out a long ragged breath. The tears do begin to fall from her eyes then. Lola quickly begins to apply gauze to the wounds.

 

“I want her to be happy. That’s all I want. More than anything, I wanted to be the cause of happiness in her. But if I’m not, then who am I to stand in the way?” Danny’s voice hitches and the sobs start wracking her body. She feels Lola’s hands stroke through her hair as she holds Danny in another, albeit gentler, hug.

 

As she shakes, with fatigue and emotion, Danny isn’t quite sure if the ground is also shaking beneath her. It could well be another aftershock tremor.

 

 _The alternative_ , she thinks, _is that my world is actually tearing itself apart._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that wasn't too angsty. I just have a lot of Danny feels. Currently unbeta'd, so if one of you lovely Creampuffs is up to have a go, just send me a message. :)
> 
> Let me know what you think! I haven't written in a while, so I'm eternally grateful for the series, and the fandom, for making me feel inspired and comfortable enough to write.


End file.
